A season in life, a chapter in the book

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A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby Maverick » Fri Apr 19, 2019 3:58 pm

Howdy to all. First, I'd like to say that it's good to be back in the Village. I felt like taking a hiatus of sorts, so I did. Today, I felt like logging on to see what I'd missed over the past three months or so. I don't know how active I'll continue to be in the future, but I do plan to check in once a week (or at least twice a month ;) ).

Part of the context for my hiatus was that I've been going through what I'd call an existential crisis of sorts. Just over a year ago I graduated college and started a prime job with a highly-reputable company in the area. I'd been searching for jobs as I wound down my final college semester and hadn't had any "luck" or any promising offers from any of my applications. I felt that the degree I pursued, though technical, was too general, not specific enough to land me a decent job. In the computer/IT/engineering world, even entry-level positions require some niche skills, unless you want to start out working in a call center or tech support. (And even that opportunity didn't pan out!)

The circumstances through which I made it to my current job are somewhat interesting, but suffice it to say that I thought (not necessarily felt) that God opened up a door for me, and I stepped across the threshold. While I'm blessed to have it and have done some really good work (I'm not bragging; everyone, including my manager, says so), I felt a sense of dread from day one. I've constantly felt like this isn't where I belong, like I'm a fish out of water or a square peg being hammered into a round hole.

I've fallen into and out of a sort of depression from week to week while working this job, a job that most other people admire and laud. When asked, "How do you like your job?", I can't honestly answer that I do, indeed, like it. I feel like I've been "faking it till I make it," except that I know deep inside that I'll never "make it" doing what I'm doing, partly because I don't want to. I see down the road of my current career path and I don't like where it leads, what I'll be doing.

So, I feel like I'm coming to a sort of crossroads. The "old me," or the "real me," has felt suppressed for quite a while. That old me liked to fool around with languages, write music and books, and dreamed of pursuing careers in writing and music. That old me also wanted to work for himself more than anyone else, if he could find something he could completely devote himself to because he believed in it completely. That old, real me thinks he's found something, or rather a couple somethings, and I can feel him coming back.

The thing is, the other part of me, maybe the "rational" part of me, is afraid of pursuing what the real me wants to do and wholeheartedly believes in. This is partly because I do have a job that, though stressful, is very comfortable salary-wise. Other factors include what others will think if I quit to pursue my own gig (argh, peer pressure!), the fact that I would likely not have a super-steady stream of income for several months, and the fact that I still live at home (with parents) and don't want to appear to be a freeloader (appear being the operative word there).

But, ultimately, what I feel conflicted about is whether the job I currently have is a blessing from God (I think it is, at least in some way), and what I should do about it if I don't like it. Is it "right" to give up something God gave me but I don't enjoy in order to pursue something I feel convicted about pursuing? Is my current job even a long-term blessing if it causes me chronic stress and has me set on a path that I really don't want to be on?

For context, I still live at home with my family. I pay monthly rent and do other things to support the household. I'm 23 years old and in good health. I don't have a girlfriend (don't want one right now, really), nor do I have any dependents of any kind. I have no debt aside from a monthly car payment, and I have enough saved up to pay the debt off completely if I don't decide to sell it outright. (I still own my previous car, which my mom drives frequently. And though I like my current vehicle, I'm not too terribly attached to it.) Debt aside, I have enough saved up to pay for at least two years of rent at my parents' place, or enough to support myself if I decided to strike out on my own.

I've been praying about what to do for half a year now and haven't felt any real guidance from God. I know in my heart what I want to do (quit the job and work for myself), but I'm hesitant for the reasons above, even though from the day I started I felt like my current job is just a means to an end, and the end is self-employment and freedom in that regard. I'm looking for other positions both within my company and elsewhere, but I know deep down that such a move would just be placing a new patch on an old garment, if that makes sense. (Yeah, I know that's not the best analogy, and certainly not the best since this is a naturist forum!)

So, I inquire of the great minds and compounded wisdom of the Village: What do you think? I'm not necessarily even asking for definitive answers, just thoughts and opinions. Thanks in advance, and thanks for reading. It's good to be back.
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby JimShedd112 » Sat Apr 20, 2019 12:45 am

Maverick, it's good to see you back. i'm not sure I can give you any definitive answers, especially since I always worked for someone else (first the Air Force for 24 years followed by my job as a Security officer for a major Las Vegas resort until I retired the end of May 2017 after another 24 years. Guess I was too comfortable with the pay to think seriously of striking out on my own. Entrepreneurs create jobs for people like me, though many, probably most, fail and may not have the will to try again. However, failure can serve to teach life lessons which lead to success for some as well.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Jim
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby RMOlson » Sat Apr 20, 2019 4:47 am

It’s a tough place to be. I have no wisdom to pass onto you but will be praying for peace of mind and spirit in your decision.
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby Petros » Sat Apr 20, 2019 7:14 am

As one who has been chasing languages since I was younger than you and writes a little on the side, I can understand and sympathize.

My man word to you - don't worry don't be in a hurry. A job may not be YOUR job - you think. But you can make it yours - working that summer maintaining lab animals, I flowed with the work, the routine, the non-routine (think mouse caesarian section). I socialized with the crew - moy a bad lot. Found room to use my inventive skills. No - not ME in many senses, but I was there. Wherever God puts you, there is a reason - for the job, for your soul's development.

Look for it, embrace it. And when he moves you to a differreent [NOT necessarily more obviously fitting] job, let yourself flow into that one. We all do MANY jobs along the way - and looking at mine I can see how some you wouldn't expect conytibuted.
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby natman » Mon Apr 22, 2019 12:26 pm

Maverick,

I think I can understand your frustration. At 64, I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

I was into my third year of college when I landed my first "real" job, mostly out of necessity rather than planning. It was an entry-level electronics position, but within about a year, I advanced to technical manager and then engineering manager. I soon became involved in using CPM-based computer systems for automated test equipment, which then developed into developing an inventory control system, which the developed in to developing a shop-floor control system, then a document control system. As we moved various design functions from pencil and paper to CAD, added computers for just about everything, a greater and greater part of my job became Information Technology Manager (on top of Engineering Manager), for one division and then for the entire organization. The company was sold and bought a couple of times to larger corporations. I held my position for almost 25 years until the last company that bought us brought in their own breed of IT personnel and phased me and my team OUT.

I tried to find a job doing similar things (engineering and computer systems), but everything seemed to be far enough away to make daily commutes unsavory, particularly at the time when it seemed like every freeway and major thoroughfare in the Houston area was under construction (I had been commuting 2-hours each way every day as it was.). I ended up taking a job about 15 minutes from home as an exclusively IT-based position. That was about 20-years ago. I am making less than I did, but am not spending hours on the road each day and do not have to travel out of town.

In recent years, I have found projects that allow me to continue to use my engineering skills to design and develop electronics.

I guess my recommendation to you is that, while you are young and unencumbered, consider making whatever moves that would seem to put you in the direction you want to be going into. There are TONS of IT-based jobs in the Dallas area, particularly in the telecom industry. If you are considering working for yourself, prepare a "business plan", and then, if it makes sense, work at it part-time, building it into a full-time business. This allows you to build the experience and clientele without incurring huge amounts of debt, and to determine if this is REALLY what you want to do.
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby nakedpreacher » Mon Apr 22, 2019 6:33 pm

That’s great advice from Natman. I would say that, from both sides of the coin, you can not make enough money to make up for doing a job you hate; however walking away from a good paying job into uncertainty may not be the right thing either. Does your self employment venture lend itself to a part time start up? Is there groundwork that needs laying? Working toward a goal can sometimes make a bad situation bearable. Stay debt free and don’t adjust your lifestyle up to consume all of your income. Have a frank discussion with your parents about what you want to do and the steps you will take to get there, they are more likely to be supportive if they know where you are heading. If you want to make this happen, the time you spend working at it in your off hours will be few in comparison to those you will need to work if you quit your job and jump in with both feet. If it is a dream worth having it is worth the sacrifice and it allows you to make startup expependatures without depleting your living supplies
Just remember that this is free advice and you get what you pay for
Naked preacher
If, when we judged others, our real motive was to destroy evil; we should look for evil where it is certain to be found, and that is in our own hearts. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby SJJim » Tue Apr 23, 2019 12:24 pm

Being a former business owner and working for myself I can understand why you want to be your own boss. In my view first you MUST form a business plan. Contact people with knowledge of the field you wish to enter. Then project your own feelings and thinking. Start small and grow. Best of luck. You may be able to start while working at the job you now have. But you MUST plan ahead.
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby Englishman » Wed Apr 24, 2019 10:58 am

What you do with your life is always a toughie. Some people start out as a Sagger Makers Bottom Knocker (that is a real job, or at least it used to be) & happily stick with it from youth to retirement. Others, like me, don't exactly drift from job to job but I do have a low boredom threshold & once the challenge has gone from a job... So I've had a variety of jobs, some mundane & thankfully short lived & others that have got me leaping out of bed every morning. One or two have been that, 'This is the job I've got & I will honour God by being as good at it as I can be'. One or two have that, 'This is where I should be & it's wonderful & I will honour God by being as good at this as I can be'.

What I'm sensing here, Maverick, is there is an itch in your soul your current post doesn't ease? Biblically, work is good so your current job is 'good' in that respect; I've had a couple of those. You become good at it & often excell but there's little about it that fires your soul. The other stuff, however, is exciting, stimulating, wonderful & does get the fires burning; I've been there too & it's a lot of fun but also just as much hard work as the seemingly mundane job you hope to escape from. Unless you are born stinky poo rich there is no such thing as easy money.

My advice? Follow your heart but don't throw your head away at the same time. Whatever the attractive field is, there will be people already in it & they'll be good at it while you are learning your way around. Your home situation seems a good one & taking small steps into your new world is a really good idea! Do lots of research, hone the skills you will need & seriously, seriously plan ahead. It is easy to fall flat on your face because a thing you thought was simple turns out to be complex, awkward & a complete humbugging of your hopes & dreams.

On the other hand; if you really want to, go for it. Nothing is worse than looking back at 60 & wondering where you would've been had you taken the risky choice when you were 30. Many blessings, mate, & God be with you.
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby nudie66 » Wed Apr 24, 2019 12:52 pm

Hey Maverick,

I have a bunch of thoughts swirling around my mind as a response, and I will return shortly to share most of them, but for now let me say this:

Don't feel "obligated" to keep a job that you believe God gave you - that job is not the only opportunity He will provide. It could have been given to you as a short-term preparation for what's next. Like others have said in this strip, start pursuing what you really want to do. Make plans. Contact people. This current comfortably-paying job may be what you need as a springboard to the next big step. You know that God will give you the desires of your heart, and He also gives you the means, the talent, and the know-how to be prepared for the moment He knows you'll be ready to jump into it.

Good to see you back. Keep us informed.
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby nudie66 » Thu Apr 25, 2019 12:34 pm

I would also like to add that if I had saved enough money to pay off a debt in one shot, I'd do it immediately, especially if that debt is costing me interest. The payoff might shrink my savings, but that would rebound quickly without that monthly debt payment being subtracted from my income.
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby webmeister » Thu Apr 25, 2019 5:03 pm

Maverick wrote: That old, real me thinks he's found something, or rather a couple somethings, and I can feel him coming back.


God will lead, then follow and watch, then lead again when you need Him.
Here is a few thoughts:
If you have found an occupation that has peaked your interest investigate the heck out of it. Do your research...find others that are doing it. Do a Business plan and projection for the first 1 year, 5 years, 10 years etc. How much do you need to launch it? Is it marketable? What is the feasibility it is needed/wanted by someone bad enough to pay you for it?

If your pursuit became too difficult would you be able to go back to the corporate setting again? Hey, always have a backup plan on the shelf, especially if you have a family of your own if in your future.
Remember self employment is hard work, you are the "Chief Cook and Bottle Washer" until things get rolling. Even then you never let your baby be alone too much. It can be a real sense of accomplishment though.

While you are planning your next move, doing your Business plan and projecting your next move have someone else pay the bills. Smile that you know that where you working now and will not be forever. Never know, a knock might come on the door tomorrow that sounds super intriguing...God Bless...

p.s. thought just crossed my mind: "That is why they call it work" :wink:
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby New_Adventurer » Fri Apr 26, 2019 3:31 pm

This discussion leads me to offer several responses, to whit...

Ah ha, the business plan: A speculative document made by optimists, fulfilled by pessimists, and evaluated by harsh critics.

When I got laid off the first time it was after 18 years of solid work making automatic test equipment for the aerospace industry. I was in a position where I could not compete with the high-school computer whiz kids on their brand-new PC, or the old-timers proficient at Cobol (as in the Y2K crisis). I decided I could always continue with automatic testing, so I worked on Space Station Alpha and then moved to the public transit industry. Not so cutting edge or exciting but plenty rewarding and as stable as employment can get. Do not confuse computer programming with software engineering.

When my son got his first job, I gave him one piece of advice, “If the job is not fun, make it fun; if you can’t make it fun, get a different job.” A few years later I got laid off again and found another new job a few months later. Then I realized it was not fun and could not be made fun, so I had to take my own advice.

The phases of a project: Enthusiasm , disillusionment , search for the guilty, punishment of the innocent, and reward for the uninvolved.
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby RMOlson » Sat Apr 27, 2019 4:18 am

The phases of a project: Enthusiasm , disillusionment , search for the guilty, punishment of the innocent, and reward for the uninvolved.


Hahaha!! So true!!
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby Maverick » Sun May 12, 2019 8:00 pm

Thanks for all the great feedback and prayers and I apologize again for being quite late in addressing it. I'll just give a quick update and pick out a few things to reply to.

I indicated my desire to do something different to my upper-level management and, thankfully, they are willing to let me (or really anyone) transition into a role that they enjoy more. So, over the next month or so, I'll be moving into a position that's similar enough to what I do that I'm not floundering about (again) but also different enough that I'll have different work than what I currently do. Don't know if that makes sense, but essentially I can take the knowledge I have and apply it in a different way, to different tasks. It sounds like it's something I'll be a better fit at, but then again, I've realized I'm one of those people who can "shape-shift" to fit a position fairly well, even if I don't like what I'm doing. So we'll see where it goes.

Despite this, I still feel a deep-seated desire to do something different, and I can only describe the time I spend in the office as blue most of the time. Again, we'll see where this new opportunity goes, but like I mentioned before, it may just be covering the wound up with a new bandage instead of addressing the wound itself.

JimShedd112 wrote:Maverick, it's good to see you back. i'm not sure I can give you any definitive answers, especially since I always worked for someone else (first the Air Force for 24 years followed by my job as a Security officer for a major Las Vegas resort until I retired the end of May 2017 after another 24 years. Guess I was too comfortable with the pay to think seriously of striking out on my own. Entrepreneurs create jobs for people like me, though many, probably most, fail and may not have the will to try again. However, failure can serve to teach life lessons which lead to success for some as well.


Thanks, Jim. And see, that's the thing. I see how easy it would be to just settle for the pay, and I see how some of my peers do that. But, at least in my workplace, I can look down the road, so to speak, and see how people who were in my shoes thirty years ago have wound up and I'm not liking what I'm seeing. Obesity, high stress levels, and pessimism reign supreme. Sure, I'm painting with broad strokes a bit, but that's what I see across all disciplines.

As for failing, you are correct that a large number of entrepreneurs fail. I think I'm failure-averse as a person, but I'm realizing that trying and failing is worse than never trying at all. Would I have the will to continue if I failed? I don't know... I'd have to try to find out. :)

Petros wrote:My man word to you - don't worry don't be in a hurry. A job may not be YOUR job - you think. But you can make it yours - working that summer maintaining lab animals, I flowed with the work, the routine, the non-routine (think mouse caesarian section). I socialized with the crew - moy a bad lot. Found room to use my inventive skills. No - not ME in many senses, but I was there. Wherever God puts you, there is a reason - for the job, for your soul's development.


Thanks, Petros. I guess for me it goes back to "God putting me here" and "my ability to choose". It's something I wrestle with, especially with big decisions like this. I'm not sure God will put me into entrepreneurship, and I'm not sure He put me into my current job. But He opened a door, I do believe that. With entrepreneurship it's a bit different because it's like you're creating your own door, opening it, and stepping through. Just my thoughts on it.

natman wrote:I guess my recommendation to you is that, while you are young and unencumbered, consider making whatever moves that would seem to put you in the direction you want to be going into. There are TONS of IT-based jobs in the Dallas area, particularly in the telecom industry. If you are considering working for yourself, prepare a "business plan", and then, if it makes sense, work at it part-time, building it into a full-time business. This allows you to build the experience and clientele without incurring huge amounts of debt, and to determine if this is REALLY what you want to do.


Thanks, Natman. That's what I'm working towards. I'm trying to get my "side gig" up and running as I type this reply. At the same time, I'm trying to move into a less-stressful day job so that I don't come home feeling burnt out and (sometimes) depressed at the end of the day. That way, I will be in a better state of mind for working on my own business.

Though I guess the stress and bad days are really the fuel I need to get the entrepreneurial wheels turning, eh? :)

I like the company I work for, just not the position. So I'm hoping this lateral shift will help things. My total commute time is about an hour a day (thank God it's not more!), and there's no way I'm commuting into Dallas five days a week. Fort Worth, maybe, but it's not much better traffic-wise.

And in case it wasn't clear, I want any business I start up to be location-independent, requiring no commuting. I want to be able to work from home, Helena, or Helsinki. :)

nakedpreacher wrote:If you want to make this happen, the time you spend working at it in your off hours will be few in comparison to those you will need to work if you quit your job and jump in with both feet. If it is a dream worth having it is worth the sacrifice and it allows you to make startup expependatures without depleting your living supplies
Just remember that this is free advice and you get what you pay for
Naked preacher


Well maybe I shouldn't pay more often, nakedpreacher, because I think that's good advice. :) And that truly is my goal, to get it started up in a short amount of time on the side. It's just that my day job had been so rough on me that it was tough enough just surviving the day at hand, and therefore all I could think about was making the leap to quit and start my own thing immediately.

SJJim wrote:Being a former business owner and working for myself I can understand why you want to be your own boss. In my view first you MUST form a business plan. Contact people with knowledge of the field you wish to enter. Then project your own feelings and thinking. Start small and grow. Best of luck. You may be able to start while working at the job you now have. But you MUST plan ahead.


Thank you, Jim. I'm glad to hear from a former business owner/entrepreneur. Your advice meshes with that of Natman and nakedpreacher. I'm somewhere between the research stage and the "startup" stage; that is, I'm still learning about what it is I want to do while also trying to freelance a bit and see if it's something I would want to do (I know I could do it).

Another thing I just realized: Before this job, both of my previous jobs were contract-type positions with entrepreneurs/small business owners. I think that rubbed off on me. I enjoyed the flexibility and relationships I built with my bosses and their clients, and the more straight-jacket, impersonal corporate world is stifling to me. I liken the feeling to being trapped in an old, musty closet when you know there's fresh air and sunshine on the other side of the door.

Englishman wrote:What I'm sensing here, Maverick, is there is an itch in your soul your current post doesn't ease? Biblically, work is good so your current job is 'good' in that respect; I've had a couple of those. You become good at it & often excell but there's little about it that fires your soul. The other stuff, however, is exciting, stimulating, wonderful & does get the fires burning; I've been there too & it's a lot of fun but also just as much hard work as the seemingly mundane job you hope to escape from. Unless you are born stinky poo rich there is no such thing as easy money.

My advice? Follow your heart but don't throw your head away at the same time. Whatever the attractive field is, there will be people already in it & they'll be good at it while you are learning your way around. Your home situation seems a good one & taking small steps into your new world is a really good idea! Do lots of research, hone the skills you will need & seriously, seriously plan ahead. It is easy to fall flat on your face because a thing you thought was simple turns out to be complex, awkward & a complete humbugging of your hopes & dreams.

On the other hand; if you really want to, go for it. Nothing is worse than looking back at 60 & wondering where you would've been had you taken the risky choice when you were 30. Many blessings, mate, & God be with you.


I appreciate the encouragement, Englishman, and I like your level-headed look at things. What you sense is correct. I agree that work is inherently good and the work of Believers brings God glory. I have no argument about that fact, and I do enjoy working! I just don't enjoy this specific work. I liken it to being a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. I just don't feel like I'm ever going to truly mesh with it, or it with me.

To be honest, I'd rather work long and hard at something that puts a fire in my belly than attend to the daily grind I'm currently at. And I'm glad I didn't inherit any large sum of money because I believe that's partly why I have the work ethic and open mind that I do.

nudie66 wrote:Hey Maverick,

I have a bunch of thoughts swirling around my mind as a response, and I will return shortly to share most of them, but for now let me say this:

Don't feel "obligated" to keep a job that you believe God gave you - that job is not the only opportunity He will provide. It could have been given to you as a short-term preparation for what's next. Like others have said in this strip, start pursuing what you really want to do. Make plans. Contact people. This current comfortably-paying job may be what you need as a springboard to the next big step. You know that God will give you the desires of your heart, and He also gives you the means, the talent, and the know-how to be prepared for the moment He knows you'll be ready to jump into it.

Good to see you back. Keep us informed.


Thanks, Warren! And I'm taking what you and the others have said to heart. I do believe that this job, even if I hate it (well, maybe not hate it, but strongly dislike it), is a sort of financial springboard for the future.

And, to your other point about debt, I'm not sure I'll pay it off immediately (partly because I'm trying to build credit), but I will be rid of it before I go all-in on my own venture. I've already decided that. :)

webmeister wrote:If your pursuit became too difficult would you be able to go back to the corporate setting again? Hey, always have a backup plan on the shelf, especially if you have a family of your own if in your future.
Remember self employment is hard work, you are the "Chief Cook and Bottle Washer" until things get rolling. Even then you never let your baby be alone too much. It can be a real sense of accomplishment though.

While you are planning your next move, doing your Business plan and projecting your next move have someone else pay the bills. Smile that you know that where you working now and will not be forever. Never know, a knock might come on the door tomorrow that sounds super intriguing...God Bless...

p.s. thought just crossed my mind: "That is why they call it work" :wink:


Good point about a backup plan in the corporate world or elsewhere, webmeister. That's something I'll have to look into, though I'm not sure how the corporate world would view a person (such as myself) who left, started a business, failed or otherwise gave up, and then wants to come back. I feel like once I leave the rat race, I'm never going back. Just my feeling, but can't say that it won't be the case.

And like I wrote somewhere above, I do enjoy working. I just don't necessarily enjoy every kind of work.

New_Adventurer wrote:This discussion leads me to offer several responses, to whit...

Ah ha, the business plan: A speculative document made by optimists, fulfilled by pessimists, and evaluated by harsh critics.

When I got laid off the first time it was after 18 years of solid work making automatic test equipment for the aerospace industry. I was in a position where I could not compete with the high-school computer whiz kids on their brand-new PC, or the old-timers proficient at Cobol (as in the Y2K crisis). I decided I could always continue with automatic testing, so I worked on Space Station Alpha and then moved to the public transit industry. Not so cutting edge or exciting but plenty rewarding and as stable as employment can get. Do not confuse computer programming with software engineering.

When my son got his first job, I gave him one piece of advice, “If the job is not fun, make it fun; if you can’t make it fun, get a different job.” A few years later I got laid off again and found another new job a few months later. Then I realized it was not fun and could not be made fun, so I had to take my own advice.

The phases of a project: Enthusiasm , disillusionment , search for the guilty, punishment of the innocent, and reward for the uninvolved.


New_Adventurer, you're not the only person who has disparaged the idea of a business "plan". I've read several articles geared towards entrepreneurs that say they're not really needed, and can even be harmful to the true aims of the business. So, I do appreciate hearing the more skeptical side of the issue!

The piece of advice you gave to your son is pretty much what my modus operandi was for trying to find a new role at my current employer. And I'm seeing the phases of a project play out day by day where I'm currently at.

Again, thanks to all for the input. I'm doing some processing and working on the output. :)
In nuditate veritas.
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Re: A season in life, a chapter in the book

Postby jjsledge » Mon May 13, 2019 9:53 am

Green Prosperity: Quit Your Job, Live Your Dreams

https://www.amazon.com/Green-Prosperity ... =8-2-fkmr0
Those who judge the motives of othere are simply revealing what's in their own hearts. Frank Viola "Revise Us Again" p.89
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