Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

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Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby robbbie » Tue May 18, 2010 7:27 pm

Dear Annie: My husband and I are in our mid-60s. For the past five years, we have been the guardians of my daughter's 13-year-old son, "Jake." When I married 12 years ago, I certainly didn't expect to be raising a teenager at my age.
I know that raising kids today is nothing like it was 30 years ago, but Jake seems well adjusted. He's a top student, an outstanding athlete and a fine young man with friends we approve of. Here's the problem:
Jake recently asked if he and his friends could sleep in the nude when they stay over. He has been teased about living with "the old folks" and claims we are the only ones who don't allow it. I checked with the other parents, and they confirm this. In fact, at "Jay's" house, the boys remain unclothed all day. Jay's mother says they are often naked while playing video games, watching TV or snacking in the kitchen. They frequently appear in the nude at breakfast if they are going skinny-dipping in the pool after. She sees no need for them to dress.
Annie, I'm not opposed to nudity. I have no problem with Jake sleeping naked in his room or skinny-dipping — even the coed kind. But somehow, the idea of six teenage boys running around the house naked all day bothers me.
Hubby assures me that it's a "guy thing" and all teenage boys do it. He remembers fondly how he swam naked at the YMCA through his college years at an all-male school. He says it builds character and is a significant male bonding experience. Indeed, he encourages it.
I don't have anyone to ask about this. Our best friends are our contemporaries and would be appalled if their grandkids ran around naked. Have you ever heard of this before? Is it common? How do other parents handle this? — Not Over the Hill
Dear Not: In certain times and places (swimming pools, overnight camp) group nudity among young men is not unusual/ Being naked all day, however, is much less common, and we would not encourage it. Don't be badgered into agreeing to something that makes you feel uncomfortable. You do not have to allow it, nor do you need to apologize. It's your house, and you get to set the rules.
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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby jochanaan » Tue May 18, 2010 10:47 pm

NOtH might just be surprised at how many of her friends and contemporaries are okay with this. :lol:
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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby Jon-Marc » Wed May 19, 2010 9:30 am

I'm very surprised that non-nudist teen aged boys would want to be nude like that with a woman present. I never would have been nude in front of my mother or any other woman at 13--especially after just reaching puberty. I thought that most non-nudist teens thought nudity to be gross. Apparently I'm out of touch with reality and don't know what's going on with teens.

I never would never have thought that teen boys being nude together (especially with one of the boy's mother there) to be all that common. I enjoyed being nude as a teen but always alone. I didn't have any friends anyway--none were THAT close. With me, I think it was as much getting away with something taboo as it was for enjoyment and comfort. In fact, as a teen the thought of comfort never entered my mind. At that age it was a sensual (if not sexual) thrill--the possibility of getting caught making it more exciting.
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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby natman » Wed May 19, 2010 11:59 am

As long as they are not doing anything "funky", I wouldn't see anything wrong with it, particularly if the other parents all agree that it is okay.

However, in today's "nude=sex" atmosphere, I would think that it is highly unusual. :(
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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby Jon-Marc » Fri May 21, 2010 4:07 pm

I doubt that a bunch of non-nudist teen boys are going to hang out nude together for fear of being called "gay" by their peers, and teens care too much about what other teens think of them.
I know from my own teens years (Yes, I can actually remember that long ago ) that teens can be and will be very cruel and critical of one another. I'm thankful that there were no home computers when I was a teen, because the cruelty I suffered from other teens would have been online as it is now. In school only a few heard and saw what was done to me, but online millions would read it and believe it. That's why some teens commit suicide; they can't handle the humiliation once it's posted online.
Last edited by Jon-Marc on Sat May 22, 2010 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby floridabill » Sat May 22, 2010 10:52 am

My daughter once asked if she could have a coed sleepover, and everyone would sleep together on the floor in the living room.
She told us the same thing - we're the only parents who say no. We asked around, and it seemed true - we were the only ones saying no.

Guess what we did - we still said no.

I like to think my kids are good. But I can't help but remember that when I was 16/17 if ANY parent had allowed that, I'd have been having sex on their floor with my girlfriend.

Now - in this case, if the husband is approving, I think the wife and he should discuss. they should agree and then stick to it.

Who knows - maybe my wife and I were the old foggy prudes (hard to believe I am now one of those!!!) but its also possible that we were the only ones doing the right thing.

(FYI - this was all before opening up to social nudity, and under different circumstances - IE - everyone there was a nudist - things may be different).
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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby Jon-Marc » Sat May 22, 2010 1:28 pm

I find it impossible to believe that you could put a bunch of teens (both genders) together like that and not have something happen. The temptation would be too great--especially if they aren't nudists, but even nudist teens can resist just so much temptation before giving in to it. NO one has ever been above temptation--except Christ.
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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby jochanaan » Sun May 23, 2010 12:34 pm

It seems that if you trust your teens, you can trust them even in this. Since when did parental rules stop teens from doing something they really wanted to do? :shock: If it hasn't happened already, it probably won't.
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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby dby » Mon May 24, 2010 3:04 am

Jon-Marc wrote:NO one has ever been above temptation--except Christ.


Yes, as Hebrews 4:15 states, He "was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin". Obviously "all" doesn't mean "all" since we get tempted to look at a person with lust in our heart, and He never had that lust. I've always wondered how a sinless person can be tempted in "all points" just like we are when so much of our battle is in the mind because of our sinful state.
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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby Jon-Marc » Mon May 24, 2010 12:40 pm

I do not believe that that verse means that Christ was actually tempted to commit sin, but that the devil TRIED to tempt Him.
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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby jochanaan » Mon May 24, 2010 12:41 pm

dby wrote:...I've always wondered how a sinless person can be tempted in "all points" just like we are when so much of our battle is in the mind because of our sinful state.

Perhaps, as a human being, He suffered a real temptation, but as the perfect Human Being, He was able always to rise above it.
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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby natman » Mon May 24, 2010 1:21 pm

jochanaan wrote:Perhaps, as a human being, He suffered a real temptation, but as the perfect Human Being, He was able always to rise above it.



I don't think it is a matter of "perhaps". I believe that is EXACTLY what happened.



It is one think to be "tempted". It is quite another to succumb to that temptation, which is precisely what Jesus did not do.
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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby floridabill » Mon May 24, 2010 7:59 pm

I don't think this has anything to do with trust, but rather acting as parents - setting boundaries, and enabling them to learn.

There are always "circumstances" to consider, but simply saying "if they haven't already." is in my opinion a cop out on the responsabilities God gives us as we strive to raise Children that love and honor him.

Even Jesus says "pray this way.."
"Lead us not into temptation".

As a parent it is my responsability to make sure the temptations my children face are age appropriate. And since we're talking about a group of teenagers, how can any one parent know if sleeping as a group is age approrpiate for all there? How can any parent know all involved, and what they may or may not do? And heck - there was no way I was staying up all night to monitor them!

Do you know all your childrens friends, what they think about God, sex, nudity, drugs, etc? Do you trust them all? Do you know their maturity levels? No. If my kids had asked if they could sleep as a group - yes - I trust them - sleep away. But add a few more kids of various genders and beliefes from other familes - sorry - the answer is NO. Do I actually think my daughter would tell her boyfriend no - yes I do. Do I honestly think she would tell her friend and her boyfriend to stop - not a chance!

If I was wrong - cool - no harm done. They have all (mostly) grown and gone their own, and they can now make that decision themselves.

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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby pugiofidei » Tue Jun 01, 2010 2:49 pm

Keep in mind that the word "temptation" literally means to "test" or to "prove". You could say that a bullet-proof vest has been "bullet-tempted"!

Jesus' love for His Father was so great that any thought of offending Him would have been repulsive to Him--like if a friend dared us to stick our head into a three-day-old dog carcass. The Devil never stood a chance. But then, the Devil probably didn't know exactly who he was dealing with!
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Re: Annie's Mail Box - son and friends

Postby natman » Tue Jun 01, 2010 5:02 pm

pugiofidei wrote:Devil probably didn't know exactly who he was dealing with!



I think the Devil knew who he was dealing with. However, just as he misjudged the Father and got ejected out of Heaven, he didn't KNOW Who he was dealing with.
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