What to Tell My Son when he Questions

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What to Tell My Son when he Questions

Postby rinlw » Tue Feb 18, 2014 11:36 pm

So my son is 15 yrs old and he is beginning to question his belief as a naturist. He is not questioning right or wrong but what others will think of him (and us). This came about a few months ago when a new friend (T) came over with Matt's best friend (J) to watch a football game and have a BBQ. Since Matt came to live with me 7 yrs ago, Matt has been very comfortable as a home naturist. I think he is more comfortable with the concept then I am on many levels....mostly he thoroughly enjoys the "shock value" of telling people or just opening the door naked! He has more then once greeted his "cool" buddies this way and they usually joke about it and very quickly are embattled in an Xbox game or whatever TV show is on. With his best friend (J), Matt is comfortable enough to be naked in front of him pretty regularly and he has gotten naked a few times like after getting out of the pool or maybe after a shower, and when they spend the night at each other's house they sleep in the nude because his parents and I do so they think it is "normal"....let me say that his father lives three houses down and is completely OK with our lifestyle and his father and I have had long conversations about the topic. His Dad has actually been over and all four of us have been in the pool nude....never an issue and really completely comfortable. But that is the only friend of Matt's that I would ever be naked in front of and it was only with his Dad there as well. Any other time Matt has his buddies over to spend the night, I will stay in my room or have boxers and a tshirt on. It is not a double standard...it is a matter of good sense and not being accused of something lewd and devious. But I can see where Matt could misconstrue this as a double standard. He and I have had the conversation that as an adult it is against the law for me to be nude in front of any minor....he gets that and understands the law issue and how easily things can be misunderstood.

So a few months ago this new friend (T) and Matt's best friend (J) came over to watch a game and have a little BBQ. One thing lead to another and Matt asked if they could spend the night....seeing no issues since the one guy (J) spent the night all the time, I said sure and all was well. I went to into my room around 9:30 and was watching TV with the door closed. About 11 or so, Matt knocked on the door but walked in at the same time....coming right behind him was his "new friend" (T)....they wanted to order a pizza. I was on the bed watching TV but did not have a sheet over me so I was naked just laying there.....I noticed the new kid sort of look and then look away but he did not move out to the room and actually talked to us while I got up and gave them my wallet for when the pizza came. I did not think anything of it, they left and shut the door. I went to bed and about two hours later, Matt is knocking on the door again saying the new friend (T) did not want to spend the night anymore and had called his Dad to come get him. When the Dad got there, he came to the door and said that "T" was pretty upset because of "what happened"and it was "creepy" that I was naked in front of them....I was mortified and apologized and invited him in to discuss it even though is was almost 2 AM....he came in for a min and I told him basically the same thing as his son had told him. He said they did not live like that and I was probably the first adult he had ever seen naked. I apologized again and explained it was never my position to project my beliefs on anyone and again explained I was in my room with the door closed but they sort of just walked in. He said he understood and left. Again I thought we were finished with the whole thing but could tell that Matt was really upset by the whole thing. He said all was OK but I knew he was thinking. Since then Matt has started to question why he feels differently then others do and why do other people freak out at the naked body. I can tell he is more conflicted because his best friend (J) is not a nudist but gets naked at the drop of a hat! I have noticed that he now wears boxers a little more when I am not around but will be nude for dinner or if we are doing something together....like he is doing it for me....but then other times, like getting ready for bed, he will be nude or walk around the house nude without any issues.....and he still is comfortable being nude in front of his one friend (J) but not others that he used to be cool with if they were over in the pool (my son's friends parents are all cool with how we live and most said as long as girls are not present then they can skinny dip in the pool all they want....girls bring on other issues we should not discuss!!!)

So how do I help my son get thru this? My brother says it will work itself out and I need to just be there for him but not stick my nose in his decision making process. But I want to help him understand that we all have a value system and being naked is NOT akeen to something sinful or lustful. It is a form of appreciating what God has created. It is so hard being a teenager.....it is even harder being a naked teenager! So how do I help him? Has anyone else had this issue of acceptance with their kids? I know he wants to be accepted by his buddies as normal but I also know he wants to live textile free.
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Re: What to Tell My Son when he Questions

Postby Petros » Wed Feb 19, 2014 2:30 am

Like I have great words of widom.

I think you needd to realize this is only a special case. Each of us - and I mean the race - growing up has to balance what is normal at home and comfortable in our being against what is normal / comfortable / safe in other homers and society at large. When and where to take off shoes, how to burp, what topics of conversation to bring up.

If he signals openness to talk, say what you know - but he will have to find his path as you yours and I mine.

Trust him to God and make sure he knows there is help there. What else is there? Number 12 Son - I am not worried about him, God is working on him, but he has his own path, his own lessons.
The truth, the stark naked truth, the truth without so much as a loincloth on, should surely be the investigator's sole aim - Basil Chamberlain
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Re: What to Tell My Son when he Questions

Postby Bare_Truth » Wed Feb 19, 2014 11:35 am

rinlw wrote:... He and I have had the conversation that as an adult it is against the law for me to be nude in front of any minor...
If we can take a moment to distinguish between "the Law" and "wisdom", (for as it has been said sometimes "The Law is and Ass" or more likely those who seek to administer it are asses) then there may be a misunderstanding in your statement. Your profile indicates that you are in Floida and both the websites:
http://youngnaturistsamerica.com/nudity-laws-by-state/
and
http://www.nudistlaw.com/state_laws.htm
fail to support your assertion insofar as state laws go.
The PDF file at:
www.free11.org/ PRSIG/ papers/ 2000.09.04.Is%20Public%20Nudity%20Legal%20in%20Florida.Buzz.Frandsen. pdf
gives a broader history and brings in another law that has been used by the state in matters of nudity.

So with respect to nudity laws per se there is a disconnect. Which is not to say that there is some other back-door application of some other law which a ambitious/malicious prosecutor might try to apply to build his career on the backs of his victims. And of course there is the possibility of a local law of a jurisdiction lower than the state.

So while what you express may fall in the category of a wise precaution, do you have a basis for saying that it falls under law that you must not appear in the presence of a minor while naked.
I never met anyone that I could not learn something from.
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Re: What to Tell My Son when he Questions

Postby rinlw » Wed Feb 19, 2014 12:21 pm

Thank you both for your comments. Petros....I completely agree that he has to make his own decisions and we have to depend and put our trust in God's plan for both of our lives. I try to do that with everything I do in life but, as you know, we always want to "step in and help!!"

Bare_Truth wrote:So while what you express may fall in the category of a wise precaution, do you have a basis for saying that it falls under law that you must not appear in the presence of a minor while naked.


Bare_Truth,,,I understand what you are saying and looked at the links you sent.....while I agree that "exposing myself" in my own bedroom would not be considered technically against the law.....I think, as you said, it is a wise precaution especially in light of the fact that these are minor boys in a house with no other adult present. So, wise precaution is always taken when Matt has buddies over.... I never want our clothes free lifestyle to be misconstrued as something erotic or sexual nature. Surprisingly, a few people in my neighborhood that have discovered our lifestyle have commented that they were impressed at how grounded and mature Matt was regarding his physical appearance. Like most teenagers he likes to look a certain way and dress in the "cool clothes" but he is very level headed about things and does not stress about much. I am not sure you can equate being a naturist with being level headed but the neighbors seem to think that is the only variable between their kids and mine so it must have something to do with it. I can tell you that I think it probably is a factor but not the excelling attribute.....

So maybe "against the law" was the wrong terminology and I think I will tell him so when the subject comes up again because I dont want him thinking that what we do in the privacy of our own property is against the law.
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Re: What to Tell My Son when he Questions

Postby natman » Wed Feb 19, 2014 1:37 pm

Rinlw,

I think what Petros has said is sound advice. Although, I would add that if you notice him hedging or wincing at being nude together, you may want to bring up the subject yourself and ask him if he is struggling with the practice of naturism. I think he obviously loves you enough that he may not want to hurt your feelings by bringing it up himself.

You do need to make it clear to him that what you are doing, in the privacy of your own home, is not against the law, otherwise you may lose his perception of your integrity, which could lead to other problems down the road.
SON-cerely,
Nathan Powers

Get exposed to the sun, and get exposed to the Son.
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Re: What to Tell My Son when he Questions

Postby rinlw » Wed Feb 19, 2014 2:24 pm

Thank you Natman....and I had sort of decided to do that the next time I noticed him doing something sort of out of sorts for him. I appreciate your comments.
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