how to deal with my mother-in-law

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how to deal with my mother-in-law

Postby nakedpreacher » Wed Feb 11, 2015 1:21 am

I have often said that I won the In-Law lottery, my wife got screwed. My in-laws are the best that a man could ask for so this won't be the proverbial what to do with Mother-in-law thing. My Father-in-law recently passed away. My MIL will soon be coming to live with us. She knows about my nudist ways and we have had a few short discussions where we kind of landed a glancing blow on the subject. My wife has told her that if she lives with us, she will see me naked at least from time to time. The plan is to relocate, hopefully some time in this year, and buy a property with a mother-in-law quarters. Any suggestions on how to proceed in the coming days before the move and after when it will get all too real for her.
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If, when we judged others, our real motive was to destroy evil; we should look for evil where it is certain to be found, and that is in our own hearts. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship
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Re: how to deal with my mother-in-law

Postby Petros » Wed Feb 11, 2015 2:59 am

First, I congratulate you - I got one of the best mothers in law of all time, who lived with us for quite some time to the satisfaction of all.

Then, however - you do not tell us her attitude to knowing about your habits [or lack of habit]. If she knows about it, and has been advised you will not always be invisible, and still comes to live with you, do we assume she is okay with it? And at what level of okay?
The truth, the stark naked truth, the truth without so much as a loincloth on, should surely be the investigator's sole aim - Basil Chamberlain
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Re: how to deal with my mother-in-law

Postby jasenj1 » Wed Feb 11, 2015 8:37 am

Very interesting. I wish you well and look forward to hearing how it goes.

As "some guy on the internet" I have a few questions.
Are you (or do you want to be) an outdoor nudist? Is there a chance of looking for a property where you can be nude outside - say on a back porch, or all of the backyard? Any chance/plan to build? Any chance/plan to get a hot tub or pool? (I have no idea what your financial situation is or where you are, I'm just throwing things out there.)

It sounds like your wife and MIL have discussed the topic. What does your wife say about her mother's attitude? I would prompt my wife to have a serious discussion on the subject with the MIL and then get the feedback, even get a feel for how the MIL feels about discussing the subject with you.

At some point, I expect the three of you will sit down and have a family pow-wow about many aspects of the arrangements - who will pay for what, what furniture will be moved to the new place, etc. Among that I would put expectations of privacy. Then you can establish how much time you really spend nude, what your MIL's opinion on that is, what accommodations the two of you are willing to make.

I think a key will be to be up front and not embarrassed about the situation. It's been your and your wife's house, the two of you have established what to wear around the house (you often wear nothing). There's nothing weird about that. Your house, your rules. It's now not going to be your house. Open negotiations are in order.

I suspect there are websites out there with advice about having in-laws move in. You might find some insight there. There're probably issues you haven't thought of that others have. A bit of Googling is in order.
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Re: how to deal with my mother-in-law

Postby Ramblinman » Wed Feb 11, 2015 9:34 am

I grew up in a home with a dad who tended to be nude during and after his evening bath shared with equally nude mom and half closed bathroom door during bath. Dad's MIL didn't like seeing nudity, but she generally was in bed asleep by then, but not always. Mom was not nude as she emerged from bathroom, but not worried about half closed bathroom door. Once he was nude for his bath, Dad didn't wear a thing until the next morning as he dressed for work.

There was a bit of strife about this and Mom stayed out of the argument completely (wise on her part).

Mom and Dad and his MIL all had one bathroom and there was a 5 foot walk between said bathroom and parents bedroom. Dad even wandered the house nude very late turning out lights, checking doors, making sure cat was safely back inside, children okay etc..

Dad really liked his late evening nudity and wasn't going to back down. MIL didn't see it 95% of the time, but hated that 5% chance that she would see Dad.

IF she had had her own bath on a separate hall or in-law apartment, this would have completely solved the "problem".

We did not have a pool, but Dad would have loved a private pool. He was a skinny dipper from way back. Such things go a long way toward giving a nudist a welcome vacation from clothing on a warm summer day.
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Re: how to deal with my mother-in-law

Postby Petros » Wed Feb 11, 2015 10:59 am

A lot does depend on the nature of the mil quarters. We had a two [connected] house situation - not technically a duplex with shared yard.

My bil when they had his mil at first had a room with semi private bath down a coprridor off the living room, then a large bedsitter [still sharing bath] with more privacy.

Neither would have accommodated a pronude and an antinude.
The truth, the stark naked truth, the truth without so much as a loincloth on, should surely be the investigator's sole aim - Basil Chamberlain
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Re: how to deal with my mother-in-law

Postby nakedpreacher » Fri Feb 13, 2015 1:19 am

I hope to either buy a pieces of property (At Least 5 Ac.) onto which she can put a mobile home, or but a property with her help which already has two houses on it. Her attitudes toward nudity are not favorable. She was raised by a Christian Father and Several different mothers, some claiming Christianity and some not. All of them father included had a lot of sexual hang UPS. These hang UPS along with the normal 60s and 70s reading of scripture led to an unhealthy attitude toward nudity. She is however open to scriptural truth. Her attitudes on a lot of things have changed in the last few years. I think that she will be open to discussion with my wife and me together. I hope so
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If, when we judged others, our real motive was to destroy evil; we should look for evil where it is certain to be found, and that is in our own hearts. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship
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Re: how to deal with my mother-in-law

Postby jasenj1 » Fri Feb 13, 2015 12:26 pm

I will offer some more experience/advice.

1. Really do some internet searches on the topic. It is a common situation and I'm sure there are support forums out there.

2. My in-laws just went through a similar situation with one of their mothers. The mother reached the point where she could not live alone - take care of the house, take her meds, cook, etc. So she moved in with them. At first, it was not too bad. But as the years progressed, the mother took more and more care, could not be left alone too long, needed more help to do things like bathing. This became extremely stressful and burdensome on the also aging children. The mother lived several years longer than anyone expected - she passed away recently.

So what is the expectation with your arrangement? Is your MIL still in good health and just needs a bit of assistance? How much time do you and your wife expect to need to spend with her? You could end up in a situation where one of you is spending most of your time in her trailer caring for her.

Does she want to live essentially alone, or would she be better served living in a condo or apartment.
Do you have plans to move her into an assisted living facility when she needs that much care?

Sorry, lots of questions and I don't expect answers. Hopefully you've thought many of them through. It is a big task, but an honorable one. Just be ready for the sacrifice.
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Re: how to deal with my mother-in-law

Postby nakedpreacher » Fri Feb 20, 2015 12:46 am

In my family this was simply the way we did things. My paternal grandparents lived in a mobile home on the back of my parents property, until they took offence at something trivial and moved away to my aunt's property in another state. This lasted until my Grandpa's death at which point my grandma took offence at my Aunt (probably over something equally trivial) and moved back into my Parents' house, the mobile home being gone. My Maternal grand mother Lived in an addition that my parents built onto the back of their house for her when she could no longer live alone. Both of these situations added stress to the home and their own unique challenges, however they also enriched the lives of us children. A trip to grandma's was down the hall, or at most a walk across the back yard. I am very familiar with the problems associated with caring for elderly parents, but It is just what I was raised to believe that children should do for their parents as long as health allows. I know that all necessary adjustments will be made, I just wanted to know the best way to address those adjustments. thank you all for your suggestions, any more will be greatly appreciated.
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If, when we judged others, our real motive was to destroy evil; we should look for evil where it is certain to be found, and that is in our own hearts. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship
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Re: how to deal with my mother-in-law

Postby prairieboy » Fri Feb 20, 2015 12:58 am

I would think that an open and honest dialogue should accomplish a compromise that would work for both parties. With 5 acres she does not have to accept for herself, she just has to agree you believe that it is acceptable for you. Romans has a lot on this.
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Re: how to deal with my mother-in-law

Postby nakedpreacher » Fri Aug 21, 2015 10:50 pm

We are here. My Mother in Law bought a two story house on 2.8 wooded acres. We live on the top floor and she the bottom. We are paying her a standard 20 year amortized payment, essentially buying the house from her. For the most part she stays down stairs and we up (she does not yet require care). We will maintain the place out of our pocket. We have a deck on the eastern exposure on the back of the house and I often take my morning coffee setting nude on a deck chair. Our deck is not visible to my Mother in Law so she has no problem with this. When she comes up stairs she asks if it's "safe" before opening the door at the top of the stairs. I plan to warn her that I will be finishing a construction project on Monday doing the taping on the new dry wall so I will be nude all day (tape and texture is not as bad when you are nude) and for now this type of arrangement is working. The comments to which I referred in "a Proud Moment" have stopped for the most part. Praise the Lord things are going well.
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If, when we judged others, our real motive was to destroy evil; we should look for evil where it is certain to be found, and that is in our own hearts. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship
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Re: how to deal with my mother-in-law

Postby JimShedd112 » Sat Aug 22, 2015 8:31 am

Congratulations NakedPreacher on your new living arrangements. The next week may prove interesting since you'll be working nude while installing/finishing the new drywall. It's good to hear the comments you refer to have mostly stopped. Hopefully your MIL will eventually come to accept your nudity as normal and not find any reason to avoid seeing you nude or in anyway taking offense to doing so.

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Re: how to deal with my mother-in-law

Postby natman » Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:27 pm

Excellent news!
SON-cerely,
Nathan Powers

Get exposed to the sun, and get exposed to the Son.
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